Genital herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in the United States. Many people who are infected with HSV-2 are not even aware that they are infected. Most people do not show signs or symptoms from HSV-1 or HSV-2 infection - or the symptoms are very mild.

When signs of genital herpes do occur, they typically appear as outbreaks of blisters on or around the genital or rectal area. The blisters break, leaving tender sores that may take two to four weeks to heal the first time they occur. Another outbreak can appear weeks or months after the first, but it is usually less severe and shorter than the first outbreak. Though the herpes infection remains in the body indefinitely, the number of outbreaks tends to decrease over time.

After a person learns of their genital herpes diagnosis and finds out that it is an incurable, life-long condition, s/he may be concerned about what this means about current or future sexual relationships.

In regards to future sexual relationships, people who have genital herpes can experience normal sexual relationships despite their diagnosis. There are things that an infected person must do to insure that they do not put any future partners at risk of contracting the genital herpes. Keep in mind that abstinence is the only guaranteed way to prevent a sexual partner from contracting herpes.

For casual or short-term sexual relationships, use latex condoms to help lessen the likelihood of contracting genital herpes as well as a wide range of sexually transmitted infections. Avoid direct genital skin-to-skin contact during a herpes outbreak, as this is the time the virus is most likely to be passed on. Wearing a condom will not completely prevent transmission during an outbreak, as the virus may be present on the surrounding genital area.

In regards to a long-term relationships where both partners are knowledgeable of the genital herpes infection and the risk of transmission, for the couple to decide not to use a condom.

In both cases of casual sexual partners and long-term relationships, the issue of how to tell a partner that you have genital herpes arises. It is common to think that any current or future sexual partner will reject you once they learn of your herpes diagnosis; however, most genital herpes infected people find that their partners are supportive of them and appreciate the courage it took to reveal their diagnosis.

If you are diagnosed with genital herpes while in a relationship, your partner may think that this is a sign of infidelity. However, because of the nature of the virus, you could have had it long before your relationship. Or, even still, it is possible that your partner never experienced symptoms from a herpes infection and transmitted the virus to you-and you are one of the few individuals who develop symptoms of the infection. It is best to talk to a physician once you reveal your infection to a partner so that all of these concerns can be addressed.

At any rate, it is important to tell your partner of your condition, it shows them that you are a responsible partner who cares about your sexual health and the sexual health of your partner. Your partner may also choose to be tested.

Regardless of their test results, in order to keep your sex life as normal as possible, you may want to look into treatments that will reduce the frequency, duration and severity of outbreaks, as well as maintain a healthy diet and avoid stressful situations which may trigger outbreaks. The healthier lifestyle you lead, the less genital herpes will be an issue in your sex life. Last but not least, join herpes support groups for friendship and support.

Dylan Morris

Additional Reading: Stop Herpes Now and From Coming Back For Good by Dr David Hoggs

This is a common scenario, “I found out I had genital herpes in January. My boyfriend got a blood test and he tested negative. Recently, we broke up . I’m sure I’m not ready to start dating again yet, but when I am I’m not sure how to go about it. I know I have to tell my partners and I will continue to be careful. Can I date those who don’t have herpes? Will they be willing to date me?”

Many people with herpes have similar experience at the beginning. The following information shows you how you can unlock your own natural confidence and strength so you feel really comfortable giving ‘The Talk’. Now that you know you have genital herpes, you’re out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There’s no reason to stop looking for love and fun.

Genital herpes doesn’t detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.

Broaching the Topic of Genital Herpes

The first date after your diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you’re keeping a nasty secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you’ll want to blurt it out. Don’t. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away - for example, that you’re married, or that you’re just in town for the week - but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.

It’s up to you to decide the right time to tell your date that you have genital herpes. Follow two rules: First, don’t wait until after having sex. Second, don’t wait until you’re just about to have sex — in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.

If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about your herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissing, cuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don’t have to tell before you do that. But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation.

Dealing With Rejection Anyone who dates should be prepared for rejection. The person you’re seeing may beat a hasty retreat when he or she finds out about your genital herpes. If you get the “I just want to be friends” talk after telling your sweetheart you have herpes, consider this: He or she may have already been looking for a way out, and herpes was as good an excuse as any. What’s more, anyone who disdains you or humiliates you for having herpes was never worth your while.

Keep dating, and you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your herpes status. There are certainly some who wouldn’t mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it’s likely that at least one will come around, and say, “Hey, I understand there’s a risk, but I’m crazy about you, so I’m willing to take it.”

Depending on your dating style, you might date people with herpes, if you want to avoid having to discuss it. Herpes doesn’t define you, but judgmental people will make judgmental decisions. At the herpes dating sites like the more popular and established ones like PositiveSingles, you do not worry about being rejected or discriminated, but often find understanding and comforting.

By David H Smith